It's raining tonight - One of those good nights to just sit around and think. I got a mini break today. Roommate said that I don't have to worry about the July 1st move out date, that we should be here until the end of the year. *huge sigh of relief*. Only part that sucks is I've lined up some places to see this week, so it's a little sad that I don't need to anymore. I was stressed but getting kind of excited about finding my own place, or getting a new living situation. I don't know. Sometimes I don't feel welcome in my own apt. I know that it's good to stay here though, the $ that I can save will be worth it. Even the cheapest room share that I saw will be more that I will be paying here with Joe and Kia. We'll see what happens. At least I don't have to try and figure out moving while I'm leaving for Mpls.

It's funny, but I'm starting to go through some changes. Perspective, adult views I think. I used to think that life was about living as much as you could in the moment, you only get the one shot, so don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today. But now I'm thinking more and more about tomorrow, and what do I really want. My friends are all buying homes, and getting to a different stage in their life. I don't think that I would be able to buy here ever, it's just too expensive. People pay over $500,000 on a home and think that they got a really good deal. It's crazy. When all this moving stuff started happening, I freaked out. It seemed like I couldn't get a response from anyone, couldn't get anything lined up. In a conversation with my Mom, she said I could always move home. To me that seemed like I had lost, that I had failed and I would be coming back to Mpls with my tail between my legs. But maybe it's not like that, maybe I got to experience something wonderful for a couple of years, I got to live a dream, not many people get to do that. Maybe heading back to Mpls isn't failure but opening a new chapter in my life. Bringing a new person back to an old situation. Maybe my life is what I make of it no matter where I am, maybe the past will let me be, in peace. Is that what I really think, or I am just looking for a reason to make the easy choice? I do seem to give up before it gets really hard, I wonder what would happen if I saw something through until the end?

Am I too scared?